“3 minutes to show time Amanda!” With shaky hands and a racing a heart, I stare at my 3 inch white wedged heels. Standing behind the red velvet curtain, I can hear the applause from the audience on the other side. The Bridal portion of the event just ended, and the junior bridesmaid portion is up next. Along the space between the curtain and the floor, I see the flashing lights from photographers and spectators. My assistant fluffs my seamless, custom made white laced gown, making sure everything looks picture perfect. My make-up and hair stylists are working quickly; making sure nothing was touched while being dressed. My assistant lifts my arms so they are straight out to the sides to make sure no strings are hanging and each bead is in its perfect place. While standing as still as a statue, looking straight ahead, I can’t help but feel the exhaustion of the day. My day had started at 6 am, with a quick bite to eat and off to final fittings and dress rehearsals, making for a long day on the runway.
“2 minutes to show time” Leanne’s voice calls from the left of me. Leanne is the organizer of this event and is here every time I do a show. With her the show always runs perfectly. The stylists have finished putting the touch-ups of lipstick and blush, as well as a thick layer of hairspray to ensure that the bouncy, tight knit curls that took an hour to do keep their hold. My assistant puts a silver hair band on my head to complete the image. It too was custom made to match the dress; it mimics the beading on the gown to a tee. My long red hair hits my nearly bare freckled shoulder. The entire gown is being held up by two small straps that lie perfectly straight on either shoulder. My assistant lowers my arms and runs her hands along the thin straps as her finishing touch to her inspection. She then steps back to make sure she didn’t miss anything. Perfection.
“One minute”, Leanne announces, this time from directly behind me. “You are a vision in white. As soon as you walk through that curtain, all eyes are on you. You are in fashion, so they are judging what you look like but most importantly what you are wearing. Perfection is our expectation and we will accept nothing less”, my instructor’s voice repeats over and over in my head. Shoulders back, chest forward, and no smiling. Keep looking straight and above the audience, maybe then the nausea I’m feeling won’t get any worse.
“30 seconds”. The make-up and hair stylists vanish from my sight. “20 seconds”. More girls line up behind me in white gowns tailored to fit their specific bodies perfectly. The curtain is about to swing open as the room of eager brides and their families are waiting for the newest styles to take center stage. I dread this part. I dread the eyes looking at me, so many staring and judging my every move, the thought is perfectly terrifying.
“It’s show time!” she says softly to the right of me as the curtain splits down the middle and opens from the left and right in perfect sequence with the music. The cameras start to flash from every angle, the audience roars with a fierce intensity and all at once my heart stops. All those eyes are looking at me. All those people judging me. There has to be at least 100 sets. I take a deep breath, and start down the runway, thinking to myself this will all be over soon. Maybe this time I’ll get over this stage fright that I have developed from this so-called ‘perfect career’. A twitch of doubt runs through my body. Yea, I didn’t think so...
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ReplyDeleteI like the way you’ve organized this post with the count-down. It helps to build suspense for the reader and also establishes that the events occur in a blur of activity. The reader knows you’re building up to something. The first four paragraphs could be tightened-up a bit with some editing so the pace is quickened.
ReplyDeleteThe use of dialogue is also effective, particularly when you quote the instructor’s comments about perfection. It shows me the pressure you’re under and foreshadows your fright before you hit the runway. I think the pressure and fear are the real roots of the blog, and could be pulled out a lot more. While your descriptions (i.e. the details in the dress, etc.) paint a strong picture, they take away from your personal, emotional experience. Unless you compare the perfection of the dress with how you feel you measure up against that perfection. That’s an angle you could consider to help us better understand your feelings. Do you feel like you’re being “manufactured” like the beads on the dress were?
I’d like to know more about how it feels to have those 100 pairs of judging eyes staring at you. Do you feel you are living up to the instructor’s demands? You’re final comment “Yea, I didn’t think so” is telling, but it could be the start of an exploration of your feelings.
As Tracie has said, the count-down is very effective. It shows how truly anxious you were. The dialogue works extremely well with this post as well.
ReplyDeleteI liekd how you brought the reader along with you throughout your journey of stage fright. I myself have immense stage fright a lot of the times and this helped me know that I am not alone.
I enjoyed this post and felt as though the length was great and you didn't drag out what didn't need to be dragged out so well done Amanda.