Growing up, I always thought that having the same birthday as my grandmother was something special. Everybirthday we would celebrate together. Every birthday we would blow out the candles together. It was our tradition in my household, but traditions change...
I remember that year like it had just passed. That year I was in the 6th grade. I was going to be turning 11 that year. It was the first and last time I ever got pulled out of class early by my mom. I remember the look on her face. I never understood it then but looking back now, I know exactly what she was thinking. It was, after all, written all over her face. The look of concern, worry, nervousness, and sadness but not for herself, for me. She walked me to the car, opened the door and helped me into the passenger seat. Although I was ten years old, my mom still put my seatbelt on for me. After she closed the door, I realized that she hadn't said a word to me yet, I also never said a word. Finally after she got into the car and buckled in, I asked her the question she was expecting, "where are we going mom?". "The hospital", was the only response she could give.
It was November. My grandma had a slip and fall and broke her hip. My mom gently told me that this didn't look good for her, and that this year our birthday may have to be celebrated in the hospital. I never gave up hope. I somehow thought that she would get better and everything would go back to normal. That's the best thing about a child's mind; they are always optomistic. Well, shortly after the fall she suffered a stroke and became paralyzed from the waist down. Christmas was spent in her hospital room.
Maybe it's the time that has pasted since that's effecting my memory, or maybe I somehow blocked it out, but either way the months after Christmas seem like a blur. Each day I never knew what was coming next. Before I knew it the snow melted, flowers bloomed and the temperature was high above zero. It was June. School had been let out and I was counting down the days until my birthday... our birthday. July 23rd was the big day and I had ideas floating around in my head for what we should do. My mom kept reminding me that the hospital is where we would celebrate considering grandma's condition, but being a child I still had hope.
July rolled in and grandma's condition took a turn for the worst. We ended up sending at least four hours in the hospital per day. Whenever I saw her she had machines all around her. One beeped all the time and others seemed to be attached to her through tubes. I never asked what was happening, I honestly never thought to. Maybe I was afraid of the answer I would recieve if I asked, or maybe I was better off not knowing that the time. But regardless, I never did ask. Then the worst came.
I found myself in an office of some sort. I'm sitting next to my mom and on the other side of me was my uncle. You have seen Charlie Brown right? You know the teacher's voice? That's what the doctor's voice sounded like. She was speaking English but I had no idea what she was saying. Before I knew it I was being led to her room with my mom holding my hand the entire way there. When we reached the room my mom knelt on one knee and looked me in the eyes. In her own had tears she was holding back. "It is time to say goodbye to grandma hunny". I looked at her, puzzled. I wanted to question her furthur. But I had a feeling I shouldn't ask right now and I walked into the room. I saw my grandma in the same spot she has been for the last few months. I took her hand and looked at her. Her eyes were closed, it looked like she was sleeping. The machine was still making the steady beeping noise. I squeezed her hand and whispered what my mom told me to do. "Goodbye grandma", and I turned around not looking back, somehow knowing I would never see her again. It was July 21st when we recieved the phone call from her doctor.
It's not the way I had planned to spend our birthday. Anything would have been better than me to spend my 11th birthday at her funeral. Looking back, although we didn't spend it together in person, she was there in spirit. I know that now.
It is October 5th now. I'm 20 years old. I can't help but to look back on that day and remeber it all. I miss her, that's a given, but she taught me something I will never forget. When I said goodbye, I said it knowing I would never see her again. Now when someone says goodbye to me, whether it is endng a phone call or finishing up a visit, I respond with a simple "no". If you don't know me you would be confused. That's not normally the response you get when you are saying goodbye to someone. That's because for me, when I say goodbye, it means forever. When im ending a phone call or a visit from a friend, it will always be"see you later". It means ill see you again soon... It is never goodbye, but always see you later.
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ReplyDeleteWow, this is an intense and emotional entry. To start I want to say that I am sorry about your grandmother, it's so difficult losing someone you love especially when you are really close.
ReplyDeleteI love the way it is written, however - I think it might have had more of a dramatic effect if you, instead, wrote it in the present tense - but ended it the same because that was a powerful message. I just think you could have made the reader feel as though they were sitting right there in your place - instead of being someone on the outside, watching behind a glass window. I think it would be more intense and powerful to the reader this way.
Again though, a very powerful piece!! Nicely done!! Looking forward to reading more of your upcoming entries. :)
Colleen
(wanted to add something to my comment so i deleted the first one ahah)
I agree with Colleen. Very good post but I feel the situation would be understood more by the onlookers if you put us in your position. I have been through this same situation and there is no way in words to possibly describe what you were feeling, it is so tough. One thing I would suggest is trying to do it in a word program because I noticed a few spelling errors. When I posted mine I looked back at it later and had some errors so now I use Word to proofread it for me. You did a great job though and I really feel your pain in this post, well done! : )
ReplyDeleteBridney Prout
I like that you used the shared birthday as a thread to weave your story. The focus on the birthday serves as a constant reminder that you were still young and innocent – the birthday is central to kids and likely wouldn’t have had so much relevance if you had experienced this when you were older.
ReplyDeleteYou also demonstrate your innocence during that time when you reveal that you didn’t understand what was happening and didn’t know how to ask. It’s this innocence that makes your story more compelling, because, as a reader, I sympathize with the child you were then instead of the 20-year-old looking back on the experience.
I agree that using the present tense would have strengthened that angle, but the youthful activities you write about (“I was counting down the days until my birthday,” for example) let me see this through your 11-year-old eyes anyway.
There were a few “editorial notes” you could have excluded. For example, your line “That's the best thing about a child's mind; they are always optimistic,” wasn’t really necessary, because you “showed” that fact when you talk about your hopes that your Grandma will get better.
You are definitely able to "show" effectively. I would recommend reviewing your pieces prior to posting to look for signs of "telling" that which you have already "shown".
Amanda, it takes some strength to recount emotional events and transfer them into words. But I would have liked to be shown how you felt rather than told. I was thrown by your comparison to the teacher from Charlie Brown: I haven't seen it, I don't know what the teachers voice would sound like. Describe it. And when you said that "it was written all over her face", tell me what your mother actually looked like: did she have puffy eye from crying, did she speak in a calm and stern voice? How did she buckle in your seatbelt compared to other times? Things kinds of things do that "showing" element that will bring your emotions to the heart of the reader. The similar birthdays is a good lead though.
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